and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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