Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
