I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
