i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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