At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
