Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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