new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I want a musical about memes.
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