dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
