On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pants are for mortals
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