I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
