There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
