Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
