He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
