I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
