I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
