I wish I only lived at night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
