he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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