I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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