Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
