I wish I could teleport
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
