phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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