I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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