I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
