hotel room ftw
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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