You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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