i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
they're like a gay fantastic four
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
