It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
