I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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