i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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