If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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