You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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