The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
