i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
