I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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