It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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