Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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