I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
