Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
