happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
