jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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