Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
