just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
nutella sex= disaster
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
