He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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