just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
