If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
