I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
