My entire life is one complicated drinking game
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
