; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
