What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
