you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
