This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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