i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
