you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
